Review: Gandhi my father

Gandhi my father

Directed by : Feroz Abbas Khan

*ing : Darshan Jariwala
Akshaye Khanna
Shefali Shah
Bhoomika Chawla
Rating: **

Strangely enough, every time a slightly good film is made on a real-life legend, it's hailed as great and magnificent from day one because of the impact it creates. It can be a historical like Attenborough's Gandhi, uplifting like A Beautiful Mind; just a pale, boring biopic like Capote or a classy entertainer like our very own Lage Raho Munnabhai!

Now sadly enough, not the same can be said about Gandhi my father. Promoted as a story of how the father of a nation couldn't be a good father himself turns out to be just another run off the mill tragedy, irrespective of its marvelous characters and real plot.

The film crawls into a start with Barrister Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (Darshan Jariwala) living a typically non-white life in South Africa with the lovely Kasturba (Shefali Shah) and his three younger sons. Whereas, their eldest son Harilal has been left behind in Gujarat in order to complete his studies. Harilal ends up marrying his childhood fiancé Gulab (Bhoomika Chawla) in a fit of unknown urgency which causes the initial rifts between him and his father. The rifts widen and deepen as the ongoings proceed slowly (pun intended) towards the slower climax. Harilal's demands to study further in England, Mahatma's denials, Harilal's rebellious antics, Kasturba's convincing sessions, Harilal's drinking, credit and unethical habits being just some of the factors that successfully fail the love between them.

In fact, the film is a complete fade-ins and fade-outs of unchained scenes portraying the troubled family and its consequences. From Harilal's neglected feeling to his failure in academics, from Kasturba's demand for attention for her son to Mahatma's hardcore principles, every frame and every event is as boring as watching a tree grow.

The director (Feroz Abbas Khan) fails miserably to transform his super hit play Gandhi virudh Gandhi into a successful film. Some scenes are so monotonous that they seem being shot in a theater itself. The director's only winning ace is that he doesn't take sides and presents us with a very neutral view on the father-son relationship, leaving it to the viewer to judge right and wrong.

Also the first half of the film seems oblivious from the freedom struggle going on outside the theater they're shooting in. Its only in the second half that the makers take the pain to merge the father-son tale with the freedom struggle, creating a very uneven, unsatisfying feeling throughout.

Though some scenes like Harilal's outburst and his meeting with his mother at the railway platform succeed in causing lump-in-the-throat syndrome, major chunk of this sad real life story is cold, illogical and clichéd.

The technicalities aren't left far behind in the race to bore. The music is straight from 1947 B.C. and the editor (Sreekar Prasad) seems to have been put to sleep by the film itself leading to sloppy work. The screenplay (Feroz Abbas Khan) is picked up straight from the play, neglecting the need to make a cinematic difference to it.

What truly stands out is the exquisite Art (Nitin Desai) and Costume (Sujata Sharma) design apart from a handful top notch performances.

Darshan Jariwala though caught in a tight spot and a loose script does shine when he brings that human quality to the very immortal Mahatma.
Shefali Shah as Kasturba is splendidly contrived and amazingly demonstrative at the same moment. She is the extremely loveable mother from the very first frame and surely has the most expressive eyes I've witnessed.

Akshaye Khanna as the confused, lost and complex Harilal is fabulous. Its his film all the way with those smirks, jerks and crackles. He plays the neglected small sapling shadowed by the massive palm with perfection personified. Award worthy performance.
Bhoomika Chawla with the smallest role shines through and wins heart with instant ease.

Gandhi my father had the potential and story of being next year's Best Foreign Film Oscar Winner. What doesn't do justice to this unique and rarely known fact filled story is its insensitive direction, neglected detailing and basically a heart and soul in the wrong place. Your heart will bleed at the way a great story and superb concept is lost forever unless a much more hardcore remake is on the cards.

If you don't mind sitting through unwanted boredom and unsatisfied frustration for just above two hours then you're welcome. I'd rather rent Lage Raho and revise the Mahatma's smashing principles in a much more entertaining scenario.

- Abbas Aziz Dalal.

Review: A Beautiful Mind

A Beautiful Mind [2001]

Directed by: Ron Howard

*ing: Russell Crowe
Ed Harris
Jennifer Connelly
Christopher Plummer
Paul Bettany
Josh Lucas

Rating: *****

It is impossible to understand Hollywood’s fascination with making films on weird and comparatively unknown real life people. Films like Finding Neverland, Erin Brockovich, Capote and the recent The Last King of Scotland being examples. One such piece of cinema is the Four Academy Award winner including Best Picture and Direction - The Beautiful Mind, a film that follows the life and times of Nobel Prize Winner John Nash, loosely based on Sylvia Nasar’s biography of the same name. It turns out to be one of the best films in its genre. A true master-piece of our times.

Depicting the life of John Nash from September, 1947 when he receives the Carnegie Scholarship for mathematics and arrives at the prestigious Princeton University as a grad-student to December, 1994 when he was awarded the Nobel Memorial Prize for Economics, the film is a roller-coaster ride of emotions, illusions, love, humility and survival.

Already showing signs of some sort of mental sickness as he arrives at Princeton, the unstable John Nash becomes best friends with his funny literature-student-room-mate Charles (Paul Bettany) and forms an awkward friendship with his other colleagues as well as intellectual rival Martin Hansen (Josh Lucas). He talks less and works more as he claims that he doesn’t like people and vise-versa. His unsuccessful experiences with women and other college experiences on the whole, inspire him to fruitfully create the theory of governing dynamics in mathematical economics. He is instantly considered a genius by every staff and fellow-student.

After completing his studies, he starts working for the Massachusetts Institute of Technology with a couple of old colleagues in tow. It’s the year 1953, and John is invited to The Pentagon to decipher encrypted telecommunication codes from an enemy which he successfully does only using his mind. Surprised by his amazing abilities with numbers, a mysterious Government Defense Agent - William Hatcher (Ed Harris) encourages John to look out for numerical patterns in magazines, newspapers etc. in order to thwart a Soviet plot. He obliges as he is convinced of helping the country.

A revisit to Princeton and John encounters his old room-mate Charles again who is accompanied by his niece Marcee (Vivien Cardone). John also gets smitten by one of his students Alicia (Jennifer Connelly) which leads to a jittery proposal and marriage. Meanwhile, John is chased and fired at by presumed Russians when he is on his way after depositing a confidential report in the letterbox of William Hatcher’s secret office. It’s this incident that triggers off John’s already unstable state of mind. He becomes increasingly paranoid of being attacked or killed and even behaves like a secret agent himself.

Due to his highly eccentric behaviour, he’s finally taken away by the medics to a psychiatric facility on his wife’s request. Tests and investigations reveal that John is a patient of severe schizophrenia. He continues believing himself to be a hostage of the Russians when a meeting with Alicia dawns him with the ultimate truth. He realizes that he has been living a life consisting of illusions, delusions and fantasies. That most of the people he talks to and is close to are nothing but characters out of his insane imagination including his best friend Charles. John is devastated.

After a series of shock-therapy sessions, John is taken home and permanently put on antipsychotic medicine. Taking these medicines though affect his intellect and sex life immensely, frustrating and killing him from within.

The second half of the film trails John’s fight with medication, himself, his illusions and society.

It portrays his immense self-confidence and will power as he starts living with his imaginary friends around him without letting them disrupt his normal life. It captures his journey from a mad-man out of the asylum to teaching at the Princeton and going on to win the Nobel Prize. He conquers humiliation, shame, madness, fun makers and his own demons to become one of the greatest mathematicians of our time.

A beautiful mind needs a beautiful perception to understand its depth and emotions. It’s the extraordinary story of an extraordinary man, extraordinarily and mesmerizing told by the director.

On the technical front, the cinematography (Roger Deakins) and art direction (Robert Guerra) succeed in making every year and decade shown extremely believable. Special kudos to the make-up department for the superb and realistic make-up of the aging John Nash.

Russell Crowe as John Forbes Nash is out of this world, outstanding and mind-blowing. He portrays the razor-thin line between genius and crazy with meticulous magnificence. As the mad illusionist mathematician he will steal your hearts and souls. He arouses sympathy and care with every move and each frame. I fail to understand what else could he do to win that Oscar? It’s a performance that is a million stages higher than winners like Capote and The Last King of Scotland.

Jennifer Connelly as the woman in the ultimate dilemma is as heart warming as she is real. As an erratic genius’ wife, she is splendidly contrived.

Christopher Plummer as John’s doctor, Paul Bettany, Ed Harris and Josh Lucas prove that they’re thankful just to be in a film of this caliber.

A Beautiful Mind is not the back-door entertainment available cheaply and instantly. It’s a motion picture that will move you, explode you with its execution and bombard you with lumps in the throat. Even though the film is ‘Hollywoodized’ and commercialized by omitting details like Nash's life as a bisexual, his divorce, having a child out of wedlock, the timely occurrence of his schizophrenia, and the fact that he never spoke a word at the Nobel Prize ceremony, it’s still a piece of art that comes along once in a lifetime. A film as warm and enlightening as this one shouldn’t be missed even if it’s your wedding.

- Abbas Aziz Dalal.

Review: Snatch

Snatch (2000)

Directed by: Guy Ritchie

*ing: Jason Statham
Stephen Graham
Alan Ford
Benicio Del Toro
Rade Serbedzija
Dennis Ferina
Mike Reid
Brad Pitt

Rating: ****1/2

I had been recommended Snatch umpteen number of times by a couple of friends and strangers.
Somehow, the idea of a heavy British comedy about diamonds did not excite my enthusiasm much.
With nothing to do off late and a copy of Snatch lying with me, I went through it to kill time.

What pleasantly surprised me was its ability to be more than a time-killer. Much, much more.

Guy Ritchie has taken a handful of colourful characters, a fizzy plot, the beautiful London as backdrop and made a hell of a movie out of them.

To start with, Turkish (Jason Statham) and Tommy (Stephen Graham) are unlicensed-boxing agents working as partners. They’re hired by a tough cookie Brick Top (Alan Ford) who wants their man to loose illegally in the fourth round so that his clients win their bets.

Meanwhile Frank Four Fingers (Benicio Del Toro) has just burgled an 84 carat diamond that has invited the interests of a Russian gun dealer Boris ‘The Blade’ (Rade Serbedzija), jeweler Doug ‘The Head’ (Mike Reid) and his American based Cousin Avi (Dennis Farina).
Boris hires conmen Vincent (Robbie Gee) and Sol (Lennie James) to get him the diamond whereas Doug and Avi hire a hilarious hit man, Bullet Tooth Toney (Vinnie Jones) towards the climax to get matters finished.

Here the boxer representing Turkish is knocked down in one punch by the crazy gypsy Mickey (Brad Pitt) in a street fight and now it’s Mickey himself who’ll have to step in the ring as proxy.

Now, how these obviously mad characters, the diamond, the mafia, the gypsies and a stupid dog get involved in to a hell-tangle of a plot is amazingly executed. Who gets the diamond in the end being the mammoth question!

The proceedings are blessed with so many amusing twists and turns that it’s impossible to put them on paper. It is an experience you have to fervor.

The screenplay (Guy Ritchie) doesn’t arouse one slightly boring millisecond and the editing (Jon Harris), dialogues (Guy Ritchie) are super slick. London is beautifully captured by Tim Maurice-Jones.

Jason Statham proves he can emote and Stephen Graham as his partner is fantastic.
Alan Ford as the fast-talking gangster is outstanding. He’s also endowed with the best lines in the film.

Benecio Del Toro has very little to do but shines through.
Rade Serbedzija as the official Russian is a delight to watch along with Mike Reid and the super-frustrated Dennis Ferinia. Vinnie Jones come right in the dying hours and creates havoc.

Above all rises Brad Pitt as a dirty, filthy gypsy with an accent that no one can understand. His timing is perfect, his body language immaculate and his lines tactfully delivered. He is the Ace in this pack of wicked characters.

Guy Ritchie has successfully achieved what he set out to make. A mad-colourful-hilarious comedy.
In fact it is so entertaining that it might exhaust you.
A final advice though, watch it with subtitles to understand 90% of the film.

- Abbas Aziz Dalal.

Review: Omkara

Omkara (2006)

Directed by: Vishal Bharadwaj

*ing: Ajay Devgan
Saif Ali Khan
Viveik Oberoi
Kareena Kapoor
Konkana Sen Sharma

Rating: ****

Several attempts we have witnessed when seasoned film makers strive hard to make a realistic, hard-hitting film. But we also witness, the way they falter just before they reach that final step to vivid reality in a bid to please all the strata’s of viewers – the reality lovers, the front benchers, the whistlers and the dreamers.

With Omkara, Vishal Bharadwaj goes all the way. He achieves what he set out to and doesn’t at all falter in the process in order to charm viewers in to the theater.

Bhaisaab (Naseruddin Shah) is the godfather to the local village don Omkara/Omi (Ajay Devgan). On his persistence and due to arrival of certain unforeseen circumstances, Omi has to choose his successor among his two trusted comrades – the limping, Langda Tyagi (Saif Ali Khan) and the handsome village dude, Keshu Phirangi (Viveik Oberoi).

While Langda is too sure shot of himself, Omi instead opts for Keshu and crowns him amidst a magnanimous crowd of villagers. They celebrate and chant, Langda joins in, sarcastically.
The fire of vengeance, hatred and jealousy is instantly ignited in the heart of the already inferior Langda. While he still worships Omi, he spins an evil yarn around him, his fiancé Dolly (Kareena Kapoor) and Keshu.

Omi’s unconditional love for his so called mistress converts into dangerous possessiveness. He smells foul between Dolly and Keshu (who is also Dolly’s college mate by chance) thanks to Langda’s evil, creative antics and his wife Indu’s (Konkana) detailed assistance.

Here on, Omkara climbs uphill and reaches its predictable but explosive climax.

Egos clash, minds race, truths unveil and blood flows. It sticks to the original “Othello” by William Shakespeare but doesn’t miss out on being truly original itself in regard to treatment, premise and characterization.

The sets are brilliantly real, the casting is mouth watering, the editing (Meghna Manchanda) is swift, and the dialogues (Vishal Bharadwaj) drip with authenticity which are understandable only after 15 minutes of concentrated viewing. Tassaduq Hussain captures the brilliant back drops efficiently and the screenplay (Vishal Bharadwaj, Robin Bhatt, Abhishek Chaubhey) doesn’t let you relax for a millisecond.
The music by Bharadwaj again has the scent of the film rubbed in. Super.

You rub your eyes with astonishment after seeing Saif Ali Khan’s first 5 minutes on screen and wonder if he’s the same metro-sexual dude from Salaam Namaste. This is by far and far, his best performance to date. He portrays the jealousy, hatred, inferiority complex and the complexities in his mind with such panache that you want to kill him.
This film belongs to him.

Ajay Devgan plays the pivotal title role to perfection. Confidently mixing the difficult blend of leadership, courage, vulnerability, love, possessiveness and sensitivity into one believable character
Kareena’s love and star-struck Dolly makes you laugh and cry simultaneously. She is vividly and instantly loveable.
Konkana Sen Sharma plays the strong loyal village woman to the hilt supporting her husband’s deeds without question or objection.

Viveik Oberoi sticks out like a sore thumb. He is the only one in the frame who is completely out of form and should look for an alternative career. Fishing may be!

A special mention, for the enigmatic Deepak Dobriyal, who is Langda’s only favourite man. Why doesn’t such amazing talent get recognized more often?

After Maqbool, I could seldom imagine a more hard-hitting, realistic and honest take on Shakespeare’s works. Omkara is the answer. Vishal Bharadwaj spins a mammothly impressive master-piece out of Shakespeare’s fictitious and un-real characters.
Do I see Mr. William smiling?

- Abbas Aziz Dalal

Review: Chokher Bali

Chokher Bali (Sand in the Eye) [2003]

Directed by: Rituparno Ghosh

*ing: Prosenjit Chatterjee
Tota Raychaudhuri
Aishwarya Rai
Raima Sen
Lily Chakrabarti

Rating: ****

We have witnessed innumerable attempts by filmmakers worldwide striving to bring the sensitivity and hard-ships of the widows of the pre-independence era, on screen. Though most of them do succeed to an extent, this premise still attracts many more. One such exemplary effort is Chokher Bali, a remake of Tagore’s novel and Satu Sen’s 1938 super-classic of the same name. Other than sympathy, mercy and revolution, this film succeeds in arousing much more.

Set between 1902 and 1905, Rituparno Ghosh illustrates Tagore’s characters beautifully in this dramatic tale of luscious deceptions and relationship manipulations.

We are straightaway introduced to Binodini (Aishwarya Rai) who is denied marriage by a high society Brahmin Doctor - Mahendra (Prosenjit Chatterjee) because he isn’t ready for it yet. She marries another man out of emergency who sadly, dies within a year. Widowed and slapped by fate, she starts living a dull, meaningless life in her village.

Meanwhile, its celebrations in Kolkata as Mahendra marries Ashalata (Raima Sen) who was supposed to be marrying Mahendra’s cousin Bihari (Tota Raychaudhuri) till Mahendra intervened. Bihari still stores feelings for his sister in-law but hides them for his family’s sake.

On the other hand Mahendra’s mother Rajlakshmi (Lily Chakrabarti) visits her village and gets Binodini along with her to her majestic then-Calcutta home as a maid and daily help.

It’s now on that relationships, love and faith spiral out of control into lust, deception and adultery. Binodini and Ashalata instantly bond to become best friends and fondly nickname each other “Chokher Bali”. While, Binodini being deprived of physical needs is easily smitten by the only two men she is close to at home, Mahendra and Bihari. Mahendra lusts for her equally but Bihari though fond of her has sweared celibacy. Mahendra and Binodini get involved in a whirlwind affair and eventually fall in love as Ashalata continues to blindly trust Binodini and her husband as well.

Finally as the secrets tumble out of the closet and circumstances arise, Binodini rushes to Bihari for forgiveness and acceptance. The rest of the film unfolds in the holy city of Kashi where decisions are made and truths are revealed. Binodini on the other hand remains irritatingly indecisive about her future, her needs and her intentions till the very end
Despite Binodini’s crafty antics and attempts at seducing men, she doesn’t come across as a clichéd negative character. This is the director’s forte and Tagore’s magic.

The great Rabindranath Tagore had exclaimed “I have always regretted the ending of Chokher Bali” on 24^th June, 1940. Personally, I think the climax is as perfect as they come.

Chokher Bali is a film about changing relationships and temptations. It proves that a person can be in love with more than one at a time. It’s also a saga of a widow who refuses to surrender to her cultural norms and society’s regulations. It is also a glimpse in to the rich Bengali culture and its pre-evolution era, where drinking tea by a widow was considered a sin

The only low-points of this mini-classic are its sloppy editing and the not so perfect dubbing that leaves much more to be desired. A film of this class deserves equal technical expertise.

Aishwarya Rai as the widow who breaks all the rules is brilliantly honest. Her bold and rebellious portrayal is effective to a great extent till she herself gets entangled in her previous helpless characters as in Taal and Devdas. She slightly struggles to balance the scale between a sympathy seeker and a nymphomaniac but succeeds for the most of it.

Prosenjit Chatterjee is competently contrived and displays the under-tones of a confused man with grace. Tota Raychaudhari and Lily Chakrabarti are picture perfect.

Its Raima Sen though who towers above all else as the dumb, lovely and innocent village dame. She is so immensely likeable that everything else doesn’t matter. Her dilemmas between choosing her best friend or her husband come across with precision and impact.

Chokher Bali is not a fun-filled potboiler but portrayal of Tagore’s wonderful literature on celluloid.
It is highly recommended cinema but strictly for the niche and discerning viewer. Step down “Closer”, “Chokher Bali” is here.

- Abbas Aziz Dalal.

Review: Babel

Babel (2006)

Directed by: Alejandro Gonzales Inarritu

*ing: Brad Pitt
Cate Blanchett
Mohamed Akhzam
Said Tarchani
Boubker Ait El Caid
Adriana Barraza
Gael Garcia Bernal
Rinko Kikuchi and a million others.

Rating: ****1/2

Named after the “tower of Babel” mentioned in the holy Bible, Babel is a saga spanning across four continents.
Alejandro Gonzales Inarritu is back to what he does best. A handful of stories intertwined with a common, basic factor. In, Amores Perros (Life’s a Bitch, his first and best film to date) it was dogs and a car crash and in Babel, it’s a shot gun and everyday human tragedy.
Although Babel is not as spectacular as Amores perros, it is definitely a classic in its own right. After all, it would be stupid to keep chasing Amores perros for a successor.

The film commences in the rugged North Africa, Morocco to be precise. A local shepherd (Mohammed) purchases an old, smuggled shot gun to keep the wolves at bay. He hands the gun over to his sons Ahmed (Said Tarchani) and Yussef (Boubker Ait El Caid), drenched in authenticity with dirt, sweat and masturbation in the desert. They fool around idiotically trying to figure the better shooter; till Yussef lets one loose on a tourist bus he spots from the cliff. What happens here after in these villager’s lives is too shocking to reveal.

Boom! It’s Susan (Cate Blanchett) who is shot through the bus’ glass window. Her vacation to Morocco with her husband Richard (Brad Pitt) now seems jinxed. They had considered this as their “time away” from their monotonous lives to work out their dying marriage. It’s Susan who might die now. With nowhere to go and thousands of miles away from any sight of a developed structure, they’re compelled to take refuge in a local village doctor’s stuffy home. Does she survive the gruesome wound, the barren country and unforeseen circumstances?

Shift to the U.S.A., where Richard and Susan’s kids are being taken care of by their Mexican nanny Amelia (Adriana Barraza) who desperately wants to visit New Mexico for a family wedding. Denied by Richard, she indulges in foul play as she does visit New Mexico but also takes the kids along. It’s her nephew Santiago (Gael Garcia Barnel) who does the honours of driving them across the border. But it’s when they are returning back to the States when tragedy strikes. Nanny, Santiago and kids are considered illegal immigrants which lead to dangerous circumstances.

Fly to Tokya, where a deaf and mute school girl Chieko (Rinko Kikuchi) cannot connect with the rest of the world or her father. The deafening music in a discotheque, the giggling girls, the fast-speaking hunks, none of this makes any sense to her. She is like a dog on Pluto. What is so touching about her is her vulnerability in this sad-bad world. She’s also sex-starved and extremely desperate to loose her virginity. From flashing in public to arousing a cop at her apartment, she tries every possible measure to get laid. But there’s more than that meats the eye. There lies a buried secret, between her father and her. A secret about their lives, their tragedies and “the blessed gun”; which is unraveled at the very climax of the climax.

What works for Babel is its massive appeal and honest execution. Also, the way the director handles such a complex concept with delicate finesse is highly commendable.

The camerawork and cinematography (Rodrigo Prieto) are world class. Taking effeicient advantage of the beautiful landscapes, flashing neon-lights, glittering deserts and rugged backdrops, the various locations offer.
The music by Gustavo Santaolalla is mesmerizing and vivid. Better than his rap, hip-hop score in Amores perros.

Of the almost infinite starcast:
Its Rinko Kikuchi who stands out instantly. She is meticulously detailed as the frustrated, deprived and tragedy-struck young girl. Amidst mammoth celebrities, she holds her own. Outstanding.

Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett are perfect. They play the typical American couple with ultra eas

Adriana Barraza as the lovely nanny is heart-melting and arouses sympathy with every tear shed. Gael Garcia Barnel as the care-free Santiago is effective even in a pea-sized role. These two Mexican stalwarts portray complex characters with amazing depth.

As the first timers, the Moroccon actors - Mohamed Akhzam, Said Tarchani, Boubker Ait El Caid etc. are as real as the film itself.

Babel is as diverse a film as one can make in regard to genre, language, location, religion and characters. Just writing this review and fitting every aspect has exhausted me no end. Thus, one can imagine the hardships and trauma; the director must have faced in order to complete such a motion picture successfully.

Not only does he successfully complete it but does an enormously splendid job of it. He breaks all possible barriers and touches the dimension of our emotions, we never knew existed.
My money was on Babel for the Best Picture Oscar. I believe, the film was too good for the Oscar itself.

- Abbas Aziz Dalal.

Review: Jhoom Barabar Jhoom

Jhoom Barabar Jhoom

Directed by: Shaad Ali Sehgal

*ing: Abhishek Bachchan
Preity Zinta
Bobby Deol
Lara Dutta

Rating: **

When Shaad Ali had debuted with Saathiya, every soul claimed “a new director and a new vision was born”. With Jhoom Barabar Jhoom after the super-boring Bunty aur Bubli, that vision has drowned in a Tsunami.

Though Jhoom Barabar Jhoom is endowed with mammoth production values and it seems it had an infinite budget, it goes boom on grey-matter value!

Its pointless, meaningless and torturous. Its not what you expect when you read the kind of names involved in the credits.

It crawls into start when the very wannabe Ricky Thukral (Abhishek Bachchan) meets one suave, Paki-British, Alvira Khan (Preity Zinta) at London’s Waterloo Railway Station waiting for their respective fiancé’s on the way from Birmingham. The trains turns out to be 2 hours late one after the other which gives these two freaks enough time to narrate their respective “how I met and fell in love” epics to each other. These flashback stories turn out to be excruciatingly boring and un-funnily enduring. The jokes fall flat and the plots seem hopeless.

The film does pick up minute momentum in the second half when secrets come tumbling out of the glass closet. The characters change and so does the narrative. It becomes slightly entertaining and then you want it to end which it eventually has mercy and does.

The script is filled with loop-holes and the dialogues are downright bad. The screenplay on the other hand mimics a tortoise. Gulzar's lyrics are beautiful and un-understandable by common man in parts. Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy hit the right instruments and notes.

Speaking of entertainment, the parts that do entertain the most are when Mr. Amitabh Bachchan jumps in and pulls of difficult steps in a rug-coat and awkward-hat with class. He’s a delight to watch, no matter what he does. And of course, the brightest highlights of this caper are the spectacularly choreographed (Vaibhavi Merchant) and mesmerizingly shot songs amidst foot-tapping music. It’s the best song picturisation you shall see after Tumse milke from Main Hoon Na. Especially, the brilliant “Kiss of love” and the ten-minute title song-sequence. Amazing. It seems they’ve spent millions!

There are only four performances to speak of thankfully. Abhishek Bachchan as the bling-bling, I can sing, wannabe Ricky Thukral is over the top. The character is interesting but he hams it up in some parts and under-plays in others. What were you thinking dude??

Preity Zinta as the don’t-touch-me Alvira Khan is just about passable. Another surprise.

And more surprise, the best performances from this spam-fiesta come from the two under-dogs. Bobby Deol is spot on as the mama’s boy Satinder in the second half. He’s deliberately nervous and shy. Just like the mama’s boy next door. One of his best performances.
Lara Dutta on the other hand steals the thunder from Priety for once. She’s is superb as Laila and equally love-able as Anaida. She is also inevitably hot. Check her out!

Jhoom Barabar Jhoom desperately tries to be a mad-comic-caper, stealing our hearts and making us laugh. It fails miserably. Its full of bling-bling, massive production values, designer clothes, pink limousines, shimmering sets and golden celebs. But everything that shines, ain’t gold. Is it? Its like a double-frosted, cherry topped, blue-berry cheesecake but it doesn't taste that great.

- Abbas Aziz Dalal.